"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car."
Funny quotes can lead to laughter.
They say that laughter is the best medicine.... And you know what? It is!
The sound of roaring laughter often get’s ones attention and more often than not, it’s contagious.
But did you know that laughter can strengthen your immune system and boost your energy levels while simultaneously protecting your body from stress.
... What’s more, it’s priceless medicine!
So here’s what we prescribe for you: A good dose of funny quotes, hilarious sayings and amusing universal truths.
Why not note a few of these funny quotes down and try to include them in your conversations when the time’s right.
Ask a few people, “Did you hear any funny quotes today?” or “What was the funniest thing that happened to you today? Over the month or over the last few years?”
Try to incorporate laughter into your daily activities by building some time into your day to read humorous books, visit humorous sites and/or to watch funny movies.
Here are our funny quotes for you... Enjoy!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Jim Carrey
Food, love, career, and mothers, are the four major guilt groups.
- Cathy Guisewite
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Sorry, I can’t hangout. My uncle’s cousin’s sister in law’s best friend’s insurance agent’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Maybe next time.
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
- George Burns
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin Coolidge
Things that Grandpas say: Seen it all, done it all...........can't remember most of it.
Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.
Constipated People; Don't Give a crap.
Things that overprotective mothers say: If you die, I'll kill you. - Unknown
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeneres.
To 'Act Natural' doesn't make sense?
Mum: No one goes to that restaurant anymore... - It’s always too crowded. Daughter: Yes that explains the line out the door?
- Author Unknown
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
- Unknown and just as well
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
People who snore always fall asleep first.
- Author Unknown
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.